Thursday, 3 April 2008
The Old Man and the Fly
Fact is, certain people are magnets for certain things. I know a woman who is a magnet for burglars. And when I say a magnet, I mean to say that it's impossible to keep track of the number of times she's been robbed, the poor thing. My friend R.'s family is a magnet for illnesses, the rarer the illness the merrier. My brother is a magnet for potential-girlfriends' mums, this is, he's seen as the perfect son-in-law, although unfortunately for him, the girls don't always see it.
I've always been a magnet for two things, basically. One, and I swear I can't understand this, is attracting older-than-me men. Honest, no idea. No matter if the girls I'm with are ten times prettier than me (May they sense that my fave actors, except one, are older men? No idea)
And the second, the absolute winner, is attracting impossibly surreal situations. Believe me when I say this with no intention of being funny. I already know I'm kind of extrovert and socially awkward at the same time so it might have to do with that. Or perhaps this is a perfectly normal situation for you, who knows...;D But really.
So, this afternoon, after classes, I stop by the supermarket before going home. Once I have my basket in hand and all, I realise that I have no memory of what I need to buy in the first place, so I decide to wander a bit around the isles in search of inspiration.
That's how I find myself in the cat food isle, even if I don't own any cats, or any other pet for that matter. I am about to leave when I hear the sound of boxes falling off the shelves. To my left, an old man is picking them from the floor and, being the nice girl I am, I go to help of course. Just when I am picking up the last box, I see it.
Let's say that...well, the man had kind of forgotten about the fly in his pants, which is totally open in a strange angle.But the fly is not the only thing he has forgotten about, because, well, while there is no underwear in sight, other things definitely are.
My first thought, and I'm not proud of it but you never know, is my Pervert Alert boozing. But then I observe him, and he is paying no attention to me whatsoever, so I discard it. Actually, for a few seconds I happen to be the only pervert in the scene, lol. No, I wasn't peeking intentionally, but more like having some inner battle:
"Come on, you can't let the poor man go on merrily shopping like that."
"Ok, I know, but how in the hell do you tell a total stranger that his wand is showing???"
Perhaps you're super used to these events, but really, for me it's not an everyday situation. The thing is that I just leave the crime scene in shame, and go on with my shopping. But because my conscience is a bitch, I can't leave the place without checking if someone else has had the guts I have not.
I find my target in the cereals isle this time, so I spy on him -yes, spy- and the situation. And not only the fly is still open to the world and people has noticed, but I catch said soul-less people pointing and whispering and giggling instead of saying something to him.
The situation worsens by the minute. So there I stand, pathetically pretending to be making a big decision in front of the cereal boxes, while having an inner conversation about the best way to proceed : "For God's sake, what should I do? I should just tell him. No no, I can't. But normal people would just approach him. Nah, normal people are just laughing at him, the jerks."
Suddenly, and I don't know why I don't explode out of geniality right int he spot, I have an epiphany: IMITATION. I mean, how many times have we seen someone checking his watch and have done the same? Or someone looking up and we look too? So that was basically the plan. Check my own fly. And yes, I can't believe that I thought that could be a good plan either.
Feeling still pathetic but hopeful, I walk towards the old man and stand in front of him, in an angle so that he can see me clearly.
He totally ignores me.
Time for Plan b: I take a couple of boxes and throw them to the floor. That does the trick.
Old man: *smiling* "Oh, your turn now."
Me: *totally fake* "Haha...yes yes"
Old Man: "They (the boxes) must be in a wrong angle."
Me: *not wanting to think about wrong angles* "Absolutely...haha"
As I am there talking to Target, I can't find the moment to start checking my own fly of my own jeans and, to be honest, the idea somehow seems less luminous now that I am actually there. I can't see my face, obviously, but it must be a sight, because the old man, bless him, asks me if I there is something wrong. I tell him no no, nothing thank you, and walk away, totally loser, resigned to the fact that I am a coward, and now I will have to suffer my conscience for the next few days/weeks/years, can't precise...
I am about turning the corner of the corridor when I suddenly stop, start walking back, and stop in front of the man.
"Sir, please...just check the fly of your pants."
I run.
Well, technically it wasn't running, but I didn't stood there longer than the second that took Old Man to underestand me, say thank you and check.
Mission accomplished.
Things I have learned today:
- My conscience is a lot bitchier than I thought.
- I am a lot more pathetic than I thought.
- Cat food is a lot more expensive than I thought.
- Nine people out of ten -ok, perhaps 8 or 7- have no soul, but I already knew this one, so not sure if it counts.
Somehow I feel that, if I ever do something of consequence for mankind and then people want me to write my memories and then I oblige, this afternoon events might have a tiny corner for themselves.
HAND,
~ Bel
On Job Interviews and Hair-Covered Floors.
Mmm.
After being put through this path all over again, I think I am in a position of wisdom to state that finding a job is not only a tiring, draining and all-consuming experience, but an entirely different subworld, rules and races included.
Unfortunately -or fortunately, still deciding- for me and my plans and my dreams, I am very stubborn concerning job issues. So even if teaching is one of the careers with the most discouraging levels of unemployement out there -especially where I live, the province with the highest rate of unemployment of Europe- I'm still aiming to work in what I love doing. I guess it's just because the time of utter desperation hasn't properly come yet, although I can smell it, not that far away.
So, I spent the morning sending CV's. One of the schools I've put my eye on is a private posh one. Had any of you known me in real life, would be blinking repeatedly. What?? You absolutely hate private schools! You already ARE utterly desperate, love.
And perhaps that's the truth, I'm afraid. But well, I've been thinking a lot about that lately. I spent half my life in private schools -the other half not, thank god. And while in one of them girls where so scarce that we were treated like porcelaine, one can suffer a lot if you don't really belong there. Perhaps you can afford it -although we are not anywhere rich, in case you're wondering after reading how that came out, lol-, but then again, private schools are also a subworld, a truly horrible one if you are just yourself, and your character and the human being you are becoming matters to you more than status or any new clothes you've bought that day.
So, in a brilliant flash of inspiration a la Newton, just the other day I realised that, perhaps, I can do good things in private schools, just because I know them from inside. I don't like how oppressed children feel, or how they are bullied if they aren't standard fit, and feel different from the rest. Been there, actually. So, I thought, I can try.
And that's how I ended in their online site, sending my CV. Not only they ask about everything -for a moment I thought I was going to be asked about my nursery school marks, imagine- but the selection process is amazing. In the end, if I pass 874867 tests and more, I'll have to do three interviews. Three.
And well, whereas I kind of agree with teaching being a matter of dedication and therefore, not testable though, well, tests alone, job interviews deserve another couple of posts by themselves. I am no part of the population confident enough to face an interview, a situation in which you are evaluated and you know it, without losing sleep, hair and selfconfidence. So I googled it, you know, in search of inspiration.
Bad idea.
I mean, how can anyone pay attention to everything they want you to pay attention and have a successful duel without dropping dead??? This amount of stress before even getting the job surely has to be a bad sign.
Just reading has been exhausting:
Interview Etiquette Before the Interview
OK, I get it. CONSERVATIVE. Problem is, I'm not that conservative, so I'll have to do some training with that. And last but not least:
~ Bel
PS:
Mmmm...*looks down* Nope. Not nearly enough.
After being put through this path all over again, I think I am in a position of wisdom to state that finding a job is not only a tiring, draining and all-consuming experience, but an entirely different subworld, rules and races included.
Unfortunately -or fortunately, still deciding- for me and my plans and my dreams, I am very stubborn concerning job issues. So even if teaching is one of the careers with the most discouraging levels of unemployement out there -especially where I live, the province with the highest rate of unemployment of Europe- I'm still aiming to work in what I love doing. I guess it's just because the time of utter desperation hasn't properly come yet, although I can smell it, not that far away.
So, I spent the morning sending CV's. One of the schools I've put my eye on is a private posh one. Had any of you known me in real life, would be blinking repeatedly. What?? You absolutely hate private schools! You already ARE utterly desperate, love.
And perhaps that's the truth, I'm afraid. But well, I've been thinking a lot about that lately. I spent half my life in private schools -the other half not, thank god. And while in one of them girls where so scarce that we were treated like porcelaine, one can suffer a lot if you don't really belong there. Perhaps you can afford it -although we are not anywhere rich, in case you're wondering after reading how that came out, lol-, but then again, private schools are also a subworld, a truly horrible one if you are just yourself, and your character and the human being you are becoming matters to you more than status or any new clothes you've bought that day.
So, in a brilliant flash of inspiration a la Newton, just the other day I realised that, perhaps, I can do good things in private schools, just because I know them from inside. I don't like how oppressed children feel, or how they are bullied if they aren't standard fit, and feel different from the rest. Been there, actually. So, I thought, I can try.
And that's how I ended in their online site, sending my CV. Not only they ask about everything -for a moment I thought I was going to be asked about my nursery school marks, imagine- but the selection process is amazing. In the end, if I pass 874867 tests and more, I'll have to do three interviews. Three.
And well, whereas I kind of agree with teaching being a matter of dedication and therefore, not testable though, well, tests alone, job interviews deserve another couple of posts by themselves. I am no part of the population confident enough to face an interview, a situation in which you are evaluated and you know it, without losing sleep, hair and selfconfidence. So I googled it, you know, in search of inspiration.
Bad idea.
I mean, how can anyone pay attention to everything they want you to pay attention and have a successful duel without dropping dead??? This amount of stress before even getting the job surely has to be a bad sign.
Just reading has been exhausting:
Interview Etiquette Before the Interview
- Nails should be clean and trimmed. Don't they always? Mm.
- Be conservative and err on the side of caution. If the company does not have a dress code, remember that its better to overdress than underdress. Ok, I'm not going to appear in converses -I wish- but I've read that jackets are a must. I hope a nice blouse does the trick too, honestly.
- Don't assume that whoever greets you is the receptionist. Well, I'm confused about this one, but I want to think that it has to do more with you not starting your sweetalk too soon rather than others not deserving your goodmornings if they're not employers...
- Dress tips: Do not wear extremely high-heeled or platform shoes Really? So no wedding shoes? Conservative hosiery at or near skin color (and no runs!) No runs? NO way. If you wear nail polish (not required), use clear or a conservative color. Was this really necessary to suggest? I mean, I don't think anyone would think green nails are a brilliant idea for a job interview. Although this is a strange world, so...
- Conservative makeup
- Conservative formal dress and jacket
- No heavy cologne
OK, I get it. CONSERVATIVE. Problem is, I'm not that conservative, so I'll have to do some training with that. And last but not least:
- Your hair should be clean and combed.
Hair? What hair? After all the pre-interview stress, I seriously doubt I'll have one lock left on my head by the time the actual day arrives.
And I haven't talked about the actual interview... *sighs*
~ Bel
PS:
Mmmm...*looks down* Nope. Not nearly enough.
Of Blood, Doctors and Pseudo-Gods
Tomorrow I have an appointment with some doctor. A... *goes and checks* haematologist, that’s the word.
Apparently I might have something in my blood. I was caressing the idea of it being the mutant factor, and that I was about to acquire some new brand superpower -I’ve always had a penchant for invisivility and teleportation, I must confess.
But against all odds, it’s not that. It’s got something to do with protein C, hormones and risk of coagulation when and where less needed. So, I’m finally going tomorrow.
The thing, which started the whole episode by the way, is that, well, that I don’t like people acompanying me when I go to the doctor. I don’t really know why. I have an approximate idea, though. I suspect I might feel braver than I do when going alone. If someone comes along, I don’t know, it’s like the thing is worse than it is, or perhaps I can comment on the issue, thus adding nerves (while I’m never scared of going if needed, I don’t really like doctors, particularly waiting rooms. I hate them).
But well, that’s what I am. Although, apparently, I’m not allowed.
I had the most unbeliavable confontation this afternoon. I was talking to this person, who thinks that I should go with someone to the doctor. But not for this, but for everything, even if it’s to extend a recipe for some pills and nothing more. I tried to explain all of the above -for the 9868745th time-, but it was pointless. I was doing things wrong.
Which made me wonder.
Some people seem to think that the rest of mankind was made in their own image and likeness. I thought that was God, but who knows, I might be outdated. And on matters than affect them little to nothing, which is what really amazes me. It’s like when my I was younger and my mum didn’t like how I answered the phone, or how I was more comfortable eating and doing other things with my left hand instead of the right one.
I mean.
I had a friend that once got bitter with me for weeks because I didn’t pick the dress she had thought better, instead of the monstruosity I had chosen (verbatim). An old professor of mine never forgave me for choosing education instead of Law.
Is like if, sometimes, people were unable of really discern when their noses are too far ahead of them. It’s either that, or they really believe that something like too far does not exist, and so they must feel ofended when you do things in a different way from what they expected of you.
And this alone deserves another couple of entries, so I’ll leave it here. ^_^
H.A.N.D.!
BeL ~
Things You Do When You Don't Really Have a Life
1. Are you wearing a hat? No, I’m not.
2. Bottled water: yes or no? Not if the tapwater is good :D
3. Do you have a crush on someone right now? Unfortunately yes. Good God, such a headache, this is.
4. What kind of laptop do you have? None; the laptop era hasn’t arrived to my home yet.
5. Do you prefer writing in pen or pencil? Pencil all the way.
6. Who was the last text message in your phone from? Mmm...a sad message from my mobile company telling me that my friend’s mobile is still off...
7. What’s your favorite season? Spring
8. Does your best friend have a boyfriend or girlfriend? No, she hasn’t.
9. Do you like them? She. Hasn’t.
10. Favorite radio station? Kiss fm or M80 (music). And lately BBC radio 2 (Love Wossy)
11. Type your name into Google. What’s the first link that pops up? Hahaha, some blog.
12. What’s your favorite song at the moment? December Boys. I wish I could stop playing it.
13. Coke or Pepsi? Coke of course.
14. Favorite subject in school? English and History and Spanish Language.
15. Last concert? Mm...David Bisbal?? lol
16. Next concert? No idea, but I just heard Queen are going to release an album, so I hope it’s Queen.
17. Last magazine you bought? ...Psychologies?? I don’t buy mags.
18. Last book you read? World Without End, by Ken Follett. AMAZING. I loved Pillars, but this one didn't disappoint at all.
19. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Dogs all the way. Actually, cats don’t like me for some reason I can’t discern. They either get aggressive or scared, which scares me :D
20. Is there someone you want to punch right now? No, not really *off to clean halo*
21. Favorite sports team? Real Madrid and All Blacks :D
22. State you most want to visit? State? I'd sign for New York City alone at this moment.
23. Are you a MySpace addict? Not really, but I like to peek in there often.
24. When do you shower? In the mornings
25. What’s your dream job? Either mine, a psychoteacher, or actress, or writer, or a mix.
26. What kind of car do you drive? Don’t have a car, and I think that’s what’s best for public safety.
27. What word in the dictionary best describes you? No idea. Actually, the dictionary has many words to pick only one.
28. What’s your blog address? Check it out yourself, is this one.
29. Worst TV show at the moment? Don't really see tv because, well, too many worst shows around.
30. Are you a better talker or better listener? A bit of both, I guess.
31. Do you care about who wins the election? US election? Not really, although I wish democrats win (wait, that was caring, lol)
32. Who was the most popular kid in your 7th grade class? A bully called Hugo...the git.
33. Are you afraid of ghosts? Mm...I do have mixed feelings about this for a reason. I'd say no, but then... well, I'll tell you one day.
34. Is there something lacking in your life right now? Yes. Unfortunately.
35. What do you miss most about childhood? Happiness and how slow the time passed. I still doubt I adjusted well. It’s madness now.
36. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? Only one
37. How many kids do you want? I don’t know. Two?
38. Are you a good liar? I’m a crappy liar. Actually, I can’t even lie on the phone, which is pathetic.
39. Can you cook? Mmm...not really, to be honest. But I can make some edible stuff.
40. Are you a cheapskate? No idea about what a cheapskate is.
41. What would you do with a million dollars? Travel nonstop and build a school (or several, I'd see).
42. Have you been to Disney World? No, but it's in mind.
43. How much time do you spend online a week? More than I can/will tell.
44. Last time you went bowling? Last year. I twisted my wrist, by the way. Too much energy, lol.
45. Hot or cold weather? What about something warm? But I’d rather have cold. You can’t strip off your skin if it gets too hot...
46. How many pairs of shoes do you have? I would have to count them.
47. Are you a shop-a-holic? Nope
48. Where were you yesterday morning at 10:30? Sleeping.
49. Are you afraid of the dentist? Not at all. Actually, it’s the only doctor I go happily to, lol.
50. Were you bored or entertained by this survey? Pssh, entertained, I guess. ;)
2. Bottled water: yes or no? Not if the tapwater is good :D
3. Do you have a crush on someone right now? Unfortunately yes. Good God, such a headache, this is.
4. What kind of laptop do you have? None; the laptop era hasn’t arrived to my home yet.
5. Do you prefer writing in pen or pencil? Pencil all the way.
6. Who was the last text message in your phone from? Mmm...a sad message from my mobile company telling me that my friend’s mobile is still off...
7. What’s your favorite season? Spring
8. Does your best friend have a boyfriend or girlfriend? No, she hasn’t.
9. Do you like them? She. Hasn’t.
10. Favorite radio station? Kiss fm or M80 (music). And lately BBC radio 2 (Love Wossy)
11. Type your name into Google. What’s the first link that pops up? Hahaha, some blog.
12. What’s your favorite song at the moment? December Boys. I wish I could stop playing it.
13. Coke or Pepsi? Coke of course.
14. Favorite subject in school? English and History and Spanish Language.
15. Last concert? Mm...David Bisbal?? lol
16. Next concert? No idea, but I just heard Queen are going to release an album, so I hope it’s Queen.
17. Last magazine you bought? ...Psychologies?? I don’t buy mags.
18. Last book you read? World Without End, by Ken Follett. AMAZING. I loved Pillars, but this one didn't disappoint at all.
19. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Dogs all the way. Actually, cats don’t like me for some reason I can’t discern. They either get aggressive or scared, which scares me :D
20. Is there someone you want to punch right now? No, not really *off to clean halo*
21. Favorite sports team? Real Madrid and All Blacks :D
22. State you most want to visit? State? I'd sign for New York City alone at this moment.
23. Are you a MySpace addict? Not really, but I like to peek in there often.
24. When do you shower? In the mornings
25. What’s your dream job? Either mine, a psychoteacher, or actress, or writer, or a mix.
26. What kind of car do you drive? Don’t have a car, and I think that’s what’s best for public safety.
27. What word in the dictionary best describes you? No idea. Actually, the dictionary has many words to pick only one.
28. What’s your blog address? Check it out yourself, is this one.
29. Worst TV show at the moment? Don't really see tv because, well, too many worst shows around.
30. Are you a better talker or better listener? A bit of both, I guess.
31. Do you care about who wins the election? US election? Not really, although I wish democrats win (wait, that was caring, lol)
32. Who was the most popular kid in your 7th grade class? A bully called Hugo...the git.
33. Are you afraid of ghosts? Mm...I do have mixed feelings about this for a reason. I'd say no, but then... well, I'll tell you one day.
34. Is there something lacking in your life right now? Yes. Unfortunately.
35. What do you miss most about childhood? Happiness and how slow the time passed. I still doubt I adjusted well. It’s madness now.
36. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? Only one
37. How many kids do you want? I don’t know. Two?
38. Are you a good liar? I’m a crappy liar. Actually, I can’t even lie on the phone, which is pathetic.
39. Can you cook? Mmm...not really, to be honest. But I can make some edible stuff.
40. Are you a cheapskate? No idea about what a cheapskate is.
41. What would you do with a million dollars? Travel nonstop and build a school (or several, I'd see).
42. Have you been to Disney World? No, but it's in mind.
43. How much time do you spend online a week? More than I can/will tell.
44. Last time you went bowling? Last year. I twisted my wrist, by the way. Too much energy, lol.
45. Hot or cold weather? What about something warm? But I’d rather have cold. You can’t strip off your skin if it gets too hot...
46. How many pairs of shoes do you have? I would have to count them.
47. Are you a shop-a-holic? Nope
48. Where were you yesterday morning at 10:30? Sleeping.
49. Are you afraid of the dentist? Not at all. Actually, it’s the only doctor I go happily to, lol.
50. Were you bored or entertained by this survey? Pssh, entertained, I guess. ;)
Monday, 31 March 2008
So...
...so, I had been thinking about translating my Que tengas un buen día for a while, but between laziness, lack of technological skills and laziness, it kept being that, a thought.
But today I've been blogging and visiting blog neighbours, so here we are.
I think I'll translate some of my entries from the past two years, since this place looks very sad with nothing written inside. Actually, I am confident in the hope that I'll manage to change the layout withouth losing the cool features blogger-templates have and my template hasn't...
Hand!
BeL ~
But today I've been blogging and visiting blog neighbours, so here we are.
I think I'll translate some of my entries from the past two years, since this place looks very sad with nothing written inside. Actually, I am confident in the hope that I'll manage to change the layout withouth losing the cool features blogger-templates have and my template hasn't...
Hand!
BeL ~
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